October 09, 2002 | 1:31 a.m.
<- Beginnings ->

My first entry into the online diary world! Lookout people, Al is in the building. So, it's 1:30 a.m. and I was having an anxiety attack over who knows what, so I decided to start playing online. I read my favorite peoples diaries, found a new one I enjoy and finally decided I'd give this whole diary thing a whirl. I must admit, I used to be a journaling feind back in the day. I literally have 9 or 10 journals full and that's just from junior high and highschool. Sadly, somewhere along the way, I stopped writing the everyday happenings of my life, and now, my vast history of greatness is lost. HA HA Anyway, the time has come for me to have an outlet, and to keep updated as to the daily ins and outs of my probably most boring life. If anyone ever reads this, smooth, if noone does, that's ok too. I just know that I really enjoy reading peoples diaries because I learn things about human nature, and I glean important insights into life. Whether or not I'll be able to be helpful to anyone else, who knows.

So, I'm married, just hit the 6 month mark in fact. Marriage is a fabulous thing, and yet it's one of the hardest things ever. There are days when I just want to kick my husband and say, "what the heck is your problem." And then there are days where I can't get enough of him, and just want to squeeze him and look at him in awe for the person that he is. I just wish those days were everyday, instead of spread out. The thing is, I get frustrated at his complete lack of comprehension to matters of the real world, like bills, joint decisions, cost of living, etc. He lives in some freak bubble where whatever you earn you just get to spend how you want to. I know other people feel my pain on this issue. Maybe this is part of the cause of my mysterious anxiety this night. Maybe it's because I'm in charge of a large chunk of my parents finances while they are in Honduras for 3 years, and I know there are some things I haven't followed up on like I should. Maybe it's because I need to write a letter to some of our renters to inform them that they are no longer the managers of the apartments and now owe more rent. Maybe it's because I need to pay the city taxes on the rental units, maybe it's because I owe my parents money for when I couldn't afford to pay rent for 2 months, or maybe it's because I need to go to the doctor and take care of the serious health issues I have. Maybe it's because I haven't changed the air filters in the apartments EVER, and don't know where to begin. Maybe it's just because I have some retarded freaky part of me that gets all worked up and scared to ask people straight out for help. I haven't filled out my loan consolidation papers for my students loans that I now owe on. Or maybe it's because I'm a couple credits short of my college degree and don't know how to face those last 2 credits. Do you see where I'm going with this. I try to tell my husband these things, but he doesn't totally get what I'm saying, or the degree of my slackerness. Noone else really knows that I'm slacking in so many areas, and it's just a burden. Thankfully, I know that I can take care of these things, and that I eventually will, but more thankfully, I have a great family and fabulous friends, and an incredibly loving husband, and all of those things make life possible. And lest I sound depressive, let me just state for the record, that is not the problem. I'm not like some chick that's suicidal, I'm just stressed, BIG difference. I already feel better for just putting this down. Counseling, this is probably a good option in my life.

On to brighter topics, I LOVE "The Amazing Race" the reality TV show. It is UTTERLY addictive, and I can't wait for Wednesday nights to watch it. It's on tomorrow night, woo hoo!!!! The tension and adrenaline that show pumps through me, it's just ridiculous!

Well, here's hoping I get this whole diary thing figured out. Might need to call on Eden to give me a little help, for the aesthetic value.


Change, she is a comin! - November 24, 2006
Little bit of nothin - September 14, 2006
That DID happen! - August 10, 2006
Dinner with famous friends - August 05, 2006
Morningstar - August 04, 2006

What Was | What Will Be

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