December 23, 2003 | 2:47 p.m.
<- Updates from the backwoods ->

Greetings from the great white/uh brown North. We've officially been in Illinois for 4 days, and it's been a roller-coaster. Let me backtrack.

Friday, got up at the ass-crack of dawn to get ready for a day-o travel. I am NOT one who can travel at anything less than my best look. So, with hair, makeup and clothing in place, we headed out for the airport. We zipped through baggage check and such in a little over 30 minutes. Then, we waited for an hr. and half before we flew. However, the nice people at SW let us pre-board, don't know why, but we weren't asking questions. So, we had our pick o' the plane. Had a 2 hour layover in Kansas City, TINIEST airport, it was "cute". Finally, we were headed for Chicago. Well, we got there RIGHT on time, and then proceeded to wait, on a bench, in the baggage claim area for FIVE hours. You heard me, you read it right, FIVE hours!!Q!!!! Jers moms plane was delayed, and we paid the price. So, finally she got there, we retrieved her stuff and our limo arrived. Yeah, we rode in a pretty little white stretch limo, from Midway to smalltown Illinois. It was a nice ride, lots of leg room. Too bad it cost a freakin 100 bucks to do it. UGH! We said hello to Jers Bro and sis in law and their hellion children and then made our way over to Grammas house where we shall be residing for 2 weeks. Gramma was in bed, all 90 pounds and her showercapped headed self. After a HORRIBLE nights sleep, because apparently they believe mattresses as hard as concrete are good for you, we got up and faced the day. Well ok, actually, we did NOTHING all day, which was GREAT. Finally got ready so we could all go out as a family to the "Vegas" restraunt for din din. I looked AMAZING. I'm not kidding, my hair was smashing, my make up was smooth, out fit good, it was good times. Of course this is totally wasted on his family, they don't care, and hell, they live in podunk USA, they still have mall bangs for crying out loud. Ah well, I felt good.

Sunday was his Moms side of the family Christmas gathering. Wierd, that's all I'm saying. I mean, the cousins were all very nice, and I had a really nice time chatting them up. However, the feeling between the 4 sisters was just "odd". They felt and acted like acquaintences, not sisters. Jer went into hyper overdrive, hated everyone, everything, because it was too noisey, too annoying, whatever. That gets frustrating, I'm not gonna lie.

Yesterday his gramms gave him the your too fat talk, told him he was way too fat, I'm way too fat, blah, blah, blah. that only served to piss me off. Because really people, we ALL know we're too fat. We don't need it pointed out by anyone. So, we went for a walk downtown to do a little shopping, blow off a little steam, and ended up having lunch with his Sister. Thus far, no snow, HOORAY!! Colder than all get out, but no snow.

Today.....SNOW! It's pretty, FAT flakes, which is good, it's not sticking. We went to the outlet mall in Kanosha with his sisters and cousin. Whilst they got their nails done, we meandered around. Found some RIDICULOUS bargains at the paper factory, bought some Christmas gifts and had to calm Jers hissy fit over not getting to buy whatever he wanted. Ah well. When we were done with all that, we went and picked up our rental car. The people in Enterprise loved us, mostly because Jer is really funny, and has no problem commenting about our fat asses. So, they gave us a 5% discount AND an upgraded car. We're driving a Pink Pontiac Vibe. That is a freaky ass car, not gonna lie here. But, it's different and sort of fun. His sister was QUITE bitter, 'cause she rented a car yesterday, had to pay more, and hates her KIA. HAHAHAHA It was funny, not at her expense, but just her cute reaction to it all. I do fear that I'm never gonna get to drive though, since Jer is legally on the contract this time. 2 years ago when we came, we rented a car, however, he wasn't 25 yet, so I was the only driver. Well, one day I'd gone for a drive to get away from him, and when I came back to pick him up he was doing something annoying. So, I backed up the street really fast and totally plowed a mile marker sign. I mean, it took out half the bumper, dented the car and did SOMETHING to the brakes or underside of the car. But, I had purchased their insurance, BEAUTIFUL thing. I had no penalty, and that folks is why you should NEVER rent a car without having that insurance. Anyway, we're sitting at the local library, reading mail and typing in the diary, 'cause as I mentioned, noone in his family even OWNS a freaking computer. It's KILLING [email protected]!!!!

Shout out to Weetabix 'cause I'm oh so close to your neck o' the woods. In fact, we may even be going up to Green Bay later this week. Not that this matters one bit to her, or anyone, just wanted to say hello.

Well, that's about all I've got to say. Other than I think I broke this chair here, 'cause it's funky wood legs, and I tried to back it up, and didn't realize it wasn't moving. But, the cyntrivical force of my fat ass WAS moving. My life, NEVER a dull moment!!

Wait, one more thing. Jers cousin from CA is here, and he hasn't been back here in 16 years, since his family moved to CA. He's NEVER been on an airplane (22 yrs. old) AND he honestly, swear to Buddah I'm not making this crap up. He HONESTLY said, he wanted a window seat on the plane, so that in case it got stuffy he could open it up. He fully believed he could open the windows on an airplane. Good night, are people really that naive.

Later all

Merry Christmas!!

Change, she is a comin! - November 24, 2006
Little bit of nothin - September 14, 2006
That DID happen! - August 10, 2006
Dinner with famous friends - August 05, 2006
Morningstar - August 04, 2006

What Was | What Will Be

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