April 26, 2004 | 4:25 p.m.
<- Trouble ->

A nice afternoon just turned very ugly. I've upset Jer because of what I wrote in here the other day. I was asleep on the bed next to the computer, I didn't know what he was reading. Next thing I know, he's waking me up saying "can i talk to you?" "can i talk to you right now about something?" I opened my eyes and said "about what?" And he seemed nice, he seemed like he had something he wanted to tell me. And after I said "what?" He moved away and pointed to the computer which had my diary up and he said, "about this?" And I said, "about what?" And then suddenly, he was gone. Well first he just ignored me, then he said he was too angry to talk about it, too angry to write his journal entry, just too upset. He got up, I said please talk to me, he said no, and that he was sure I'd fall asleep before he hit the carpet (of the family room). Of course I didn't, I got up and started making the bed. He went to the bathroom, put on his shoes and just walked out the door. I was yelling, where are you going? Why are you doing this? He would not say a WORD. NOTHING. Just got in the car and drove off. I wish he'd understand how much more devestating that is than to just talk it out with me. How much I'd give for him to just talk to me, instead of stuffing it and letting his anger and hatred consume him. I don't know why it's been such a rough weekend. I really don't. It seems like for every step forward we make, for the efforts in being stronger spiritually, etc. we make 10 steps backward. It makes me so sad, and so scared. What makes me saddest is when he says he doesn't believe me, that I love him. I do love him, A LOT, I must, I have to, to put up with this. To desire to work it out, and make things work. I HATE that I have to face an evening of students and then rehearsal, NOT knowing where he is, not knowing how angry he is, or what he's really thinking. It feels so unfair. I really should NOT be writing this. It will probably just make things worse. But, what else do I do? Where else do I have to go, or to vent? I really try NOT to talk to my family about it, because I don't want them harboring that. People only tend to remember the crap about another person when you tell them all your troubles. OY!

Well, I have to go get ready for student. SIGH, I hope Jer will cool off, and be willing to talk to me. Here's for hoping!

Change, she is a comin! - November 24, 2006
Little bit of nothin - September 14, 2006
That DID happen! - August 10, 2006
Dinner with famous friends - August 05, 2006
Morningstar - August 04, 2006

What Was | What Will Be

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